Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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