well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
