I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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