I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
