then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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