My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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