She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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