whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
