saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got inside last night via doggy door
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
