is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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