i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
