Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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