Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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