dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
