she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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