i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's the barista slut.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
