remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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