hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
