I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
