i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
