I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
