what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
