i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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