Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
