he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
