if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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