Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
