pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize