Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
