My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
