Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
