Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
