so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
