I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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