thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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