you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
