girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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