I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.