Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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