Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
