I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
