the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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