There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
