just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
