he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
