we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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