She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
