Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
