i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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