What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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