i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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