i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.