Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.

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  (313): I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines. http://tfl.nu/hfn6
  Replies (3) Good night (1161) Bad night (1624)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?

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  (702): what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack? http://tfl.nu/aynk
  Replies (19) Good night (4481) Bad night (887)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out

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  (989): you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out http://tfl.nu/f2m2
  Replies (24) Good night (994) Bad night (5690)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13241) Bad night (1975)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

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  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (16085) Bad night (1715)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee

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  (613): just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee http://tfl.nu/8pkh
  Replies (20) Good night (1756) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat

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  (717): Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat http://tfl.nu/dsa2
  Replies (7) Good night (1582) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...

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  (828): nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote... http://tfl.nu/xy7a
  Replies (2) Good night (1226) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  can anyone on this campus do anything sober?

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  (574): can anyone on this campus do anything sober? http://tfl.nu/gpdm
  Replies (3) Good night (756) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.

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  (518): Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in. http://tfl.nu/0iat
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  How festive

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  (778): 4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee (604): How festive http://tfl.nu/8kx6
  Replies (11) Good night (595) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.

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  (818): The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink. http://tfl.nu/7x1a
  Replies (2) Good night (282) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (366) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.

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  (212): When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones. http://tfl.nu/g2sl
  Replies (5) Good night (326) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.

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  (408): I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms. http://tfl.nu/0beo
  Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (503)

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