Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
  Replies (92) Good night (4871) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

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  (508): We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while. http://tfl.nu/9c2t
  Replies (32) Good night (3962) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.

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  (310): Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar. http://tfl.nu/dxcg
  Replies (2) Good night (4354) Bad night (600)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  pedialite and red bull = repair kit

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  (954): pedialite and red bull = repair kit http://tfl.nu/fijn
  Replies (22) Good night (3442) Bad night (801)
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  (415): View more from California

  what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

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  (415): what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance http://tfl.nu/c8s3
  Replies (34) Good night (1329) Bad night (4919)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

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  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6549) Bad night (1431)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers

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  (314): Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers http://tfl.nu/hxbz
  Replies (4) Good night (2574) Bad night (854)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???

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  (253): How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister??? http://tfl.nu/ukzw
  Replies (13) Good night (2027) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning

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  (615): Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning http://tfl.nu/j3ex
  Replies (7) Good night (1442) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?

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  (+44): you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck? http://tfl.nu/szfq
  Replies (9) Good night (1896) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit

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  (716): Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit http://tfl.nu/28c7
  Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

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  (334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x
  Replies (9) Good night (2324) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.

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  (515): I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter. http://tfl.nu/6fb4
  Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"

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  (618): Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin" http://tfl.nu/b2j2
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.

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  (734): she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love. http://tfl.nu/ybpy
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (380)

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