They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
