I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me