Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I love having hate sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.