i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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