The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
