I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
