I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's the barista slut.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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