Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
