Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
