So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
