WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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