ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
