im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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