my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
