she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
