Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
