Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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