my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
