if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
