i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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