Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
