Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
