Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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