The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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