I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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