also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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