she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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