I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
