True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
