Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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