I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
the raccoons are back...
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