omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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