just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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