6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
