when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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