If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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