I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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