All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
