You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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