Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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