I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
